What are you thankful for?

I’m thankful for a couple of reasons.

1. being alive pass my 18th birthday

2. not picking up the bottle or drugs to self medicate

3. I have an interesting time around people I love and yet hate

4. I still have a reason to get up from bed, even thou I have days where I force myself to have a reason

5. I am not on the most wanted list

6. I have yet ended in jail or in an asylum

7. I’m 21

8. I can at least say that I do have a bright future ahead of me, because I have somewhere to escape to at the end of the day

9. I do have family that care, even though there’s days where they fuel my depression

10. I’m a creative who does awesome work

11. I have a future I want to have, which soon I will have

12. I want to be a mom, I basically want to give someone a very happy life and show them everything I wish I had. (this makes me thankful because it gives me hope that I can prove my life as more meaning than what I thought before)

13. I’m alive, and have wonderful people around me, even though 1/2 are also my enemies but they’re all that I have when it comes down to it.

I been speaking about my family as if they’re demons, but they’re not. I would usually be going into or already am in a depress state where anything said to me makes the pain so much worst. but then there’s times they plant the seeds and my mind and emotions just makes that seed grow into thorns. but heck I do love my family, even when 1/2 the time I want to put them 6ft under. I’m emotionally not right, or so people kept saying about me. at least I’m trying to get out of this hole I’m in. besides even though I don’t want any of my future kids to ever have my hell I would still have them meet my family. I might have issues with my family, but my child would never have feel this type of hatred I feel. also I just need time away from my family to really get myself right. I been living under a rock with them for so long, on top of that I’m scared of change  and everything around me. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. so once I’m away from my family I can finally find my ground and then after that I want kids. it’ll give me something to love with all my heart. I was always the settle down type, and now I have a chance. but before I have any children I need to make sure I am emotionally well before I bring a wonderful creature into a world where there’s hell from all sides.