Funny now that i think about it. I was so into my little box. I basically let the world pass by me. I grew up in an environment where my siblings were already in their teens while I was a toddler. I grew up trying to catch up, growing up fast. But what really is funny is that i was always the quiet one, always to myself, in my own world. It wasn’t until high school someone asked me if i was “goth.” To me that was a big eye opener. I never thought about what i was or labeled. To me i was just me. Back then I wouldn’t know how i would describe myself. I basically just say that I love to draw and write.
In high school i started to realize how depressed and lonely i truly was. People always asked me what i label myself as. They go how i could be goth because I like wearing black, my drawing and poetry was dark, I’m into rock, i had a way of looking at life, and some people say I’m smart. But i didn’t see it that way. But as high school went by into college till now i realize that I’m trying to hard to fit into a world where i never thought I would have ever know about. As a child i only saw 2 endings. One being that I killed myself or two i would end in an asylum for either trying to kill myself or others. I did end in a nut house for 10 days, because I starting talking about killing a bully of mine. This was 6th grade. I’ve come a long way, and somewhere there i forgot that I have to forget labels and forget to try and be something else. I have to be me to be able to push forward. How else am going to be 50 and be in an asylum if I’m not putting my all into what drives me to live. I never truly believed in human emotions, more like love is a foreign word that has no true meaning. I like something. But love is something different. I can describe it scientifically but still doesn’t mean anything. I kind of think that’s perfect, it got me this far.