I told you
I hated you
I said it was your fault
I lied to your face
saying that I would never
go with you again

when we spoke again
I lied I was happy with someone else
I lied to myself
hoping the pain would go away
I tried to find
another one like you
warm and comforting
someone who knows how to cheer me up

I lied saying
I was happy
I lied because I still cared
I wanted to know
if you found someone
because I wanted to make sure
I made the right choice
I need to know someone
is making you happy
because everyday
I am dying inside

you know how I am
you know how misrable I am living
I blamed everything on you
just because I was angry
and you was just trying to help
it was never your fault
but it’s too late to ask you back

I regret everything I put you throu
I regret for being so mad
that day I forced myself
to be strong and do what I did
just because I tthought it was the right choice
sadly I have mistaken
I couldn’t bring myself
to give you a full hug
because I knew I would melt
in your arms and ask for forgiveness

I know you
could never take me back
even if I beg
because the path I choose
is too late to change

calm down and tried to live
life without you
I tried to find
someone who comfort me
and hold me close
but all I find
are cold arms

time and time again
I wanted to just end it
time and time again I wanted
to call
but I deleted your number
and when we did speak
I choked up texting you

after I gave you up
the clouds grew darker
and the pain made me numb
I started to be my sister
to where I just wanted attention
and wanted it from many places

but nothing fills the void
like you did
on our last few months you tried
and I couldn’t see that
I was blinded by so much rage and hopelessness
I didn’t realize you were trying so hard

you called to comfort me
but I took it as an install
I really don’t deserve you
you were the best thing
I ever had and I
was an asshole who dumped you
if you were to take me back
after so many years
I would be the happiest
person in the world

you was my everything
and I got jealous when you was held up
with everyone else
I was in raged that you
wasn’t allowed to just come
see me
instead of also having
to see family member
close to where I live

I was jealous that everyone
took you away from me
and we couldn’t spend time together
was never your fault
but yet in the end
I took it out on you
I’m a complete asshole