The mist of the morning was upon me as I sat down and though about something I don’t usually think about

I though about how lonely I felt and how my body ache for attention as well

I was never the type to give into topics that speaks of sex

no, I was the type who fantasist on something she wouldn’t yet bring herself to completely

don’t get me wrong, I am human after all and do wish to have a taste of what books speak about

but I don’t give it much care, even though I sit here feeling lonelier by the minute

I dare tempt myself by going and finding sex partner for one night

why bother doing something I later will regret

I don’t see what the big deal is with such desired to be hold by someone for a night

I long for true company, where sex is a mere thought that doesn’t mean much

I wish for company that satisfies my need to not feel alone and empty

I always get a sad feeling whenever I try so hard to get in touch with someone, and then later regret to ever meet the person

I’m every emotional and strong minded, I tend to put my all into things

which in turn also cost me my heart

I can’t live in a world where power, sex, and greed bring blood river around the world

I can’t even think about having a partner who yet could just be there for pure company

I have met someone who brings me joy, but that person is so far away

I try to be strong and wait, and as I wait I try to make a name for myself

but as the days go pass I grow weak

and I die to feel the arms of someone holding me, and reminding me that it’s okay

when will I stop look at every corner and see that sex and money only bring pain

when will I just see past the hell on this world to notice my heaven

I have way too many times have given my heart out to find company in this hell, only to brought to tears

I do not wish for this pain to come over anyone else, but this pain is killing me slowly inside

I do not wish for my heart to be punish for something it can not control

I am weak when I fall in love, and so I try too hard to where I am drain of all my energy trying to prove to my love that I am perfect

this need to be that perfect lover, the perfect company drives me mad and yet doesn’t anyone else tries to do the same

even though I found someone to heal the scars of pass, and help heal my heart from the shadows

I still feel as if I’m trying too hard to see my heaven that if all goes down in flame

I might end up doing the one thing I fear the most

killing myself.