Tag: cptsd
Rant 044
I don’t know how to describe it but I always feel like I’m home whenever I’m in a hardware store. Probably because I grew up in my dad’s shop, and went with him whenever he went shopping for parts. My dad is a plumber and was a super for an apartment building. I also used… Read More Rant 044
Trauma Recovery: 007
A quote of the week that I’m trying to live by. “Sometimes a huge leap of faith is necessary instead of a baby step.” This week’s quote is a reminder to myself that I been living my life taking small steps to change and improve. But during the rare moments I took a leap of… Read More Trauma Recovery: 007
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why? Yes I mean… both. It’s an automatic reaction. Making it difficult to control. I’m either hyper fixated on the past, i.e everything I been through. Or so fixated on the things I want in future that I don’t do anything in the… Read More
Gift giving
What is the greatest gift someone could give you? My plane ticket to travel from New York to Oregon. Besides that, small gifts my true friends given me out of pure kindness. Any gift from family came with conditions. So when getting something from my friends “just because” at first felt weird and uncomfortable, since… Read More Gift giving
Trauma Recovery: 2025 Goals
Goal for 2025 is to stop being a perfectionist. From learning to not overthink the small details to giving myself the freedom to be the me when I used to be an alcoholic. The alcoholic me was free and just didn’t care. Was confident and just went for it. I want to be that without… Read More Trauma Recovery: 2025 Goals
Trauma Recovery 005
I will not get over the fact that compared to my siblings I actually tried to follow the religion my family is apart of. From the morals to what a person is supposed to be. I said “tired”. Even when my family and have very different opinions on how to follow such principles, along with… Read More Trauma Recovery 005
Trauma Recovery 004
It’s one of those things of I had a reached a decent point in many of my public profiles, but it was exhausting and I felt like a fake. And in my attempts to find myself again, I feel like I’m lacking something. Oh well, at least I’m trying and I’ll eventually get back to… Read More Trauma Recovery 004
Trauma Recovery 003
A part of me wants to start something but the other part is calling it a waste of time. Like trying to wait for everything to line up but then when I get there will I still make excuses that it’s not perfect enough. One of those things of being a traumatized perfectionist. I can’t… Read More Trauma Recovery 003
Health 039
My horrible emotions this past few days has made me gain 5 lbs. I’m close to not caring the rest of the month. But I can’t do that to myself. I gotta at least go from 244 to 240 by December 31th. At least close to 240. I’m not mad or disappointed, because I know… Read More Health 039
Xexiar 