For someone who talks a lot online, especially in written format, I am dogshit terrified of doing so in video format. For goodness sake, I have made accounts just to make vlog like post.

But my dumb truck of a behind thinks I’m gonna fuck up because I’m not interesting or with how I don’t have a set “niche“. It’s the ultimate perfectionism and the fact I detest the way I look and sound.

I am happy I’m slowly liking my physical attributes, all thanks to my transition. But I lack the confidence to speak into a digital void that is staring back at me.

For goodness sake. I have spoken in length during many group therapies, with my case manager, and random strangers. I’m currently having a full conversation with a digital void right now as I type every character out.

I have been told by many people, through out my life, I speak like a teacher. As in I’m very knowledgeable in certain subjects and I explain them in ways that is not just informative but also understandable. I tend to surprise people with things I know because I typically don’t talk until I’m asked a question.

There’s also the fact I have a very analytical writing style to my blogs. Especially when I’m ranting in length. It took me a while to realize I blog as if I’m giving a lecture.

But again, I don’t really have a niche. At least something that makes a whole lot of sense. Especially when I have a lot of things I enjoy. I’m a creative person, from painting to writing.

I’m currently working on a book. Sometimes I wonder if I should just talk about that. Especially when I can’t speak someone ears out about it, from the lore down to the world building. But I want to finish writing it, even when I enjoy writing endless possibilities in my notes.

At that, I have started a new writing project that just looking at me funny. Mostly because it’s based in the world of the book I’m working on. This is ridiculous!

Maybe I should shut up and just try, but I find myself to be incredibly boring. I have such a perfectionist mindset that starting this new adventure is not going anywhere because I fear of doing it wrong.

If I get my pants to working I’ll share such event. Maybe, who knows, it’ll help me with my confidence.