Last week I had my annual dentist appointment and to no surprise 5 teeth are in such bad shape that I’ll potentially lose them in the future. I’m at least hoping that day won’t be in the near future

It’s not a shock to me because of my bad health history. Especially when parents didn’t take me to the doctor unless I was dying. Not just because of insurance but also basically anything. My siblings didn’t prioritize their health until they had a job to pay for it. Which says a lot.

I mentioned before how I’m not surprised my physical health is garbage because of my upper and family dynamics. It took me leaving New York to finally better my health, both physically and mentally.

Last time I saw a dentist as a kid was when I was 5. I would count the time I saw one when I was about 10, but I was in Dominican Republic and my biological mother couldn’t do anything. Mainly fear that I could get hurt.

I finally saw a dentist as an adult when I got a public health insurance. There I learned about how severe my health was. From my weight, being anemic, cavities. But it was difficult to take control of my health because of family dynamic and how terrible my mental health was.

This is especially dangerous because my mental health drove me to seeking medical help in ending my life. Thankfully I didn’t follow through thanks to my last conversation with my high school ex. They helped me out of those train of thoughts.

But during Covid everything reached its peak again. I was either going to not be alive due to my body giving out from poor health. Or I was going to take myself out due to poor mental health. Thankfully I moved to a different state where my family dynamic didn’t affect my decisions.

During this health journey of the past 4 years, I’ve made a lot of improvements. From finally getting proper mental support and seeing a doctor on a more personal basis. Even being able to see a dentist, dermatologist, and an Ophthalmologists.

Sure, when I finally got on public assistance I was able to finally get my first pair of much needed glasses. Especially when I have spoken to my parents plenty of times about my seeing difficulties growing up. But of course, nobody believed me or cared.

Also during these recent 4 years I’m almost 3 years sober from drinking. I never understood I was an alcoholic until I finally was able to get proper therapy.

This health journey even improved my confidence to where I was able to be true to myself. Such as fully coming out as trans. Even though I have been hinting at such things throughout my life but never felt safe or comfortable to fully acknowledge who I was.

Because of my improved mental health it made it easier to focus on my physical health. I mentioned to my doctors before and therapist, if it was simply for gender I wouldn’t seek out medical treatment for my transition. A lot my medical surgeries and hormone replacement therapy is to improve my physical health.

My biological mother died at 35 from ovarian cancer. So I sought out a hysterectomy, which I’m grateful I received last November. I have female relatives who have/had breast cancer. Plus, my chest impedes with my breathing and posture. So I’m seeking breast removal, also known as top surgery and/or mastectomy. Which I have an appointment scheduled to start the paperwork.

These 4 years I even got all 4 wisdom teeth removed and another tooth that happened to be blown out. So to hear more teeth are going to come out isn’t at all horrifying to me. If I was younger, perhaps. But I find it quite amusing how the majority of my teeth that are eventually going to be removed are from my bad side, aka my left side of my mouth. The same side that had difficulties when I got those wisdom teeth removed.

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On a small political note. I’m not scared of what to come. Sure, I’m scared on a personal level but not in a general sense. If history taught us anything is that humans always find a way and continues to fight forward.

When the church tried to erase paganism and any history before them, they failed. When Germany tried to erase Jews from existence, they failed. When Europe tried to erase indigenous people, they failed.

Government had tried making abortions and many other medical practices illegal, but those practices didn’t stop. The government is just repeating history and just like history, they’re not going to win.

Even if our numbers in appearance might seem small, we are much larger than they think. You can’t erase someone because it will also erase you.

We live in a world of full hypocrisy.

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Happy Black History Month.