What is a boy to do?

Especially as the world sees you as a girl

Where the common notion is telling you it’s all a phase

How you’re just being a tomboy

How you don’t know what you’re talking about

Being surrounded with people who don’t see you

They just stare and demand you to preform

Watching as you try to be what they say

Waiting for your very mistake

Constantly hearing things

Being told it’s all in your head

No one believing you

To state how you’re doing it for attention

You are a child

Your feelings are nothing compared to the real world

You live in a world of luxury while everyone suffers

You get everyone to pay for you

You’re so ungrateful to even being alive

You should be a good girl

Dress the part

You’re so beautiful

You need to be a lady

Do everything to get the attention of men

Be a good girlfriend

Who you are is nothing

Stop being a slut

Cover up

You don’t own your skin

Stop wearing that!

Stop trying to be someone you’re not

Then, who am I?

Everything you say I am is wrong

What I believe is a lie

Constantly mocking me

Making me feel like there is no escape

Could I ever escape being a burden

Could I ever admit to myself

Are you not my friend?

Who side are you on?

Telling me how what I feel is confused

Saying things as facts

Stating that I’m not lesbian

Stating that I’m bi

Stating I’m not non-binary

Stating that I’m just a tomboy

You’re no different from my family

I have placed my trust in you

And all you did was use and abuse me

You made the reality of me not being valid

Is there no escape

Everywhere I turn there’s people telling me

Who I am and what I should be

But nobody ever ask

Is that even me

I don’t like boys

Why is that wrong

I am not a girl

Why don’t you see that

I am not doing this for attention

Why don’t you believe me

You already proven and keep threating me that

I am easy to give up

My mother gave me up

My so-called family gave me up

The same family who at every turn will tell me how they would throw me away

All because it’s so easy

And how wonderful it’ll be to not feed another mouth

The same family

Who flat out stated

If I ever became homeless they would never want me back

But the moment I left

The moment I choose to escape

Every single person blames me for betraying them

How dare they!

They betrayed me from the moment I could breathe

They put me through therapy and they still believed I was wrong

They have stopped me from killing myself at 5

But they have beaten me

Belittled me

Multiple times almost killed me

And yet I’m the one who betrayed them

The moment I start trying to live

Is when everyone tries to fix themselves

How pathetic

So many years

Living and dreaming in nightmares

Trying to remember to breathe

Not trusting therapist because they stab me in the back and told you everything

Trying to keep the screaming at bay

Trying so hard not to lash out

Because all I ever wanted was to kill you

You are not my family

You never were my family

You kept me in a cage like an animal

An animal that was waiting for any chance of escape

It didn’t matter how

The only thoughts that kept cycling over was to kill or be killed

But oh how angry you all gotten when I finally was let free

At that

It was a way I never thought was possible

Now that I’m free

I finally get to be me

That little boy you kept in the cage is finally able to see the world

Finally able to breathe

Sure,

I’ll never get rid of the nightmares you have implanted

But I will be much better than you have ever thought

Your words are no longer my problem

Your emotions are yours to deal with

NOT ME!