It’s so difficult to express how badly I want to feel wanted.

How horribly selfish I feel for wishing to be cared for and lovely.

The pain of everyone around me not wanting to deal with me.

The pain of hearing them speak how my own mother giving me up.

To be constantly reminded that I am no one.

Constantly being the burden, everyone tries to put up with.

Being made to feel like the only way they would be happy if I was gone.

Then when someone did pay attention to me, it was always for their gain.

I been raped and beaten.

I been constantly told to shut up about how I feel inside.

I been made to be crazy and needing to be put away forever.

Every time I was in a relationship, they abused my trust.

My body was never my own.

Even my family made it seem that I don’t own myself.

It didn’t matter if it was family, friends or relationships. I had to pleased them.

I would give my all and in returned they broke me.

I cared for everyone. But nobody ever cared for me.

I’m so tired of caring.

I’m so tired of being there for everyone else.

And when I finally find myself surrounded by people who actual care, I become angry.

I’m so angry because they can’t give me all the things, I given everyone else.

I so desperately want someone to just hold me.

Someone to take the time and love me the way I love.

To notice me and put in all the effort I have done.

To be there when I’m sick. When I’m in pain. When I’m happy. When I’m numb.

To be there for all I am.

Someone who doesn’t need me to be the one who calls first every time. Who doesn’t tell me how they are the one who would end our relationship. Who doesn’t hide me away.

Someone who is proud to show me off.

Grateful for all the small things I do.

I just want someone to love me the way I deserve.

I’m tired of the love I was raised in.

I just want someone that makes my effort feel worth it.

We all deserve to be cared for. I just wish I didn’t have to constantly fight for it.