Don’t know why, but I have this deep urge to drink again. Even when I’m trying so hard to stay positive and remind myself it’ll be alright. But the desperate need to buy a bottle and drown is strong, and I don’t understand why I’m having the urge when I’m trying to be ok. I… Read More Rant 003
As I’m jointing down my to do list for the next day I made an interesting self discovery. The way I talk about myself and others is very different. So much that I never once thought about it until today. I don’t refer to my anatomy the same way I refer other people. I can… Read More Gender Dysphasia
As I’m struggling to bring myself to buy new clothes, I’m constantly cycling back to the same argument. That either, I have plenty of clothes and that I should hold off until I lose weight and have my place. While the other side of the argument is slowly based on the notion that I’m not… Read More Clothes Trauma
Sometimes I wonder if I should have that long conversation with my parents about me being male. And when I think about it I get angry. I get frustrated and just want to avoid the whole topic all together. Other times I feel it be pointless. Like I can already hear them respond. When I… Read More I’m Strong?
As I’m cleaning my room a few thoughts keep crossing my mind. I’m practicing having a full argument over how I won’t get my work noticed because I don’t advertise enough. Or how I don’t ask for help when I need it. Let alone how I treat everyone around me. The more I thought on… Read More 9.23.2022
It’s such a great feeling to finally express that I was never female and that I’m male. Especially expressing that me saying I’m non-binary for so long was just me trying hard to accept I was born female. Almost like how I made every justification to call myself bisexual when that’s not true. I had… Read More
Sometimes I wake and don’t recognize where I am Sometimes I wake and all I feel is scared I’m just roaming around Wondering will I ever wake up Roaming and questioning When will I wake up and be the nightmare all over again I’m still wearing that smile Like it’s real I’m still falling for… Read More Sometimes
as i sit here watching the hours fly by my limbs feeling heavy and my chest is aching i look at the pill bottle beside me with blurring vision trying to read the distribution wanting to know how many will it take to numb the pain and be able to wake from this nightmare the… Read More I’m Dying
Lately I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Even thou I try to push myself to draw, design, and be a creator it’s currently being a bit hard. With what’s going at home I can’t focus much. Usually I would be able to create things for my enjoyment, but because of design school I find… Read More 07/14/2014_Thinking Outloud
Xexiar 