Sometimes I wake and don’t recognize where I am

Sometimes I wake and all I feel is scared

I’m just roaming around

Wondering will I ever wake up

Roaming and questioning

When will I wake up and be the nightmare all over again

I’m still wearing that smile

Like it’s real

I’m still falling for the same trap

“We love you and here for you”

Those words never change

The actions are all the same

I give and give

And I can’t

I’m in the wrong

The guilt never goes away

It just gets replaced by shame

When I’m at my lowest

Trying to get back up

You misunderstand

And we’re back to being angry with me

Every time you’re angry

Our friendship hangs on the edge

I never know

When it’s going to snap

I’m trying so hard

Even that makes you mad

I’m walking on cracks

Where any wrong step will make me alone again

I’m tired of having to fight so hard

To keep people in my life

I’m so exhausted to understand everyone else

So I could not push them away

I just can’t take it anymore

I’m really all alone

Because any wrong move I will lose

Those who I started believe where my friends

Why does it always have to be me

That tries so hard to keep people in my life

When nobody has worked that hard for me

Sometimes I wonder

Will it all get better

The moment I stop trying

The moment I give up and let everyone go

Will I ever be happy

As soon as I no longer have anyone around

Times like this

Makes me crave to understand

Why does everyone abandon me

Why doesn’t anyone want to stay

Whenever I can’t help it

Whenever I’m trying so hard to be ok

Because sometimes

It just hurts too much to have people in my life

Sometimes I just wonder

What it’ll be like to

… Not Care