A part of me wants to start something but the other part is calling it a waste of time. Like trying to wait for everything to line up but then when I get there will I still make excuses that it’s not perfect enough. One of those things of being a traumatized perfectionist. I can’t… Read More Trauma Recovery 003
My horrible emotions this past few days has made me gain 5 lbs. I’m close to not caring the rest of the month. But I can’t do that to myself. I gotta at least go from 244 to 240 by December 31th. At least close to 240. I’m not mad or disappointed, because I know… Read More Health 039
Just wanna vent. As much as I want to buy a new mattress next month, it’ll be super unreasonable for me to do so. Sure, my current mattress is pretty sunken in, but I can manage a little longer. But that’s not why it’ll be unreasonable to get a new mattress. I currently won’t be… Read More Health 033
I already knew I was going to depend on someone to help me while healing from surgery but it’s so frustrating. Especially when it comes to chores that I’m very particular with. It’s more on the sense that my dishes aren’t being washed the way I like. For example there’s still pieces of food and… Read More Rant 029
I definitely needed a rest day. Been having a rough cough, like the itchy throat dry cough one gets during allergy season. But you would think that me drinking tea, drinking water, and taking cough drops would help. Nope. So I really need to take a full on rest day, probably at least 2. And… Read More Health 022
After a night that had me spiraling to where my “unaliving” thoughts were strong, I’m slowly recovering today. Last night was so bad that I didn’t take my mood stabilizer (meds) because not only did I forget but also I have a very horrible history with medication. And today I slowly been unraveling a few… Read More Rant 019
Some reason I feel my first aid supplies is lacking. Along with over the counter medicine. … OTC: pain relief (off brand Tylenol), nasel relief (allergy nose pump), theraflu. First aid: anitiseptic cleaning spray, 3% hydrogen peroxide (spray), 70% isopropyl alcohol (rubbing alcohol), ice cold analgesic gel (menthol 1.25%)[like iceyhot but not], 50 spf sunscreen,… Read More Rant 018
Don’t laugh too hard but I really realized that I can write in MY OWN books. Like books that I brought. At that, it wasn’t until college that I learned I can customize my sketchbook and anything that I owned. lol It feels nice not to have someone scream and shame me for not keeping… Read More Rant 015
You ever been so lost and tired that you don’t recognize yourself no matter how hard you try. Where you keep wearing a mask but not sure how to take it off? Like I been so focused on saving money for potential rental deposit, since a lot of “assistances” wasn’t helping with that. I also… Read More Rant 007
Based on how things went with a living situation, I now question a few things about myself. For example at what level of function do I truly have and what am I denying myself of. For it has been brought up to my attention multiplied times that I do have some issues with caring for… Read More Nov. 9 2023
Xexiar 