A part of me wants to start something but the other part is calling it a waste of time. Like trying to wait for everything to line up but then when I get there will I still make excuses that it’s not perfect enough. One of those things of being a traumatized perfectionist. I can’t… Read More Trauma Recovery 003
So… I did a thing. Especially since it will come in handy in the new year. Plus, I shifted my focus to next month’s budget so I can pretend I don’t have money. Really trying to do the “if I don’t know about it then it ain’t real” technique with my finances. Kinda like how… Read More Rant 033
My horrible emotions this past few days has made me gain 5 lbs. I’m close to not caring the rest of the month. But I can’t do that to myself. I gotta at least go from 244 to 240 by December 31th. At least close to 240. I’m not mad or disappointed, because I know… Read More Health 039
As I’m going through recovery I’m also getting better at accepting help. But what really makes me feel a sense of joy is that I noticed that for certain moments I’m reacting completely different than how the rest of my family would react. It brings me peace that there’s another part of me that is… Read More Rant 031
This is why I’m glad I was finally able to seek physical therapy for my back and pelvic floor. Since it help me give me a baseline on how I am and where I can improve. It’s one thing to try to learn all this on my own, and I’m very knowledgeable about a lot… Read More Health Rant 036
Just wanna vent. As much as I want to buy a new mattress next month, it’ll be super unreasonable for me to do so. Sure, my current mattress is pretty sunken in, but I can manage a little longer. But that’s not why it’ll be unreasonable to get a new mattress. I currently won’t be… Read More Health 033
I’m still shocked, embarrassed, and giggling at myself for admitting to my case manager my type. Shocked that I said it out loud. Embarrassed because the way I said it. Giggling over the whole situation. She did comment how I’ll most likely meet my type in the gym. But I mentioned I rather meet them… Read More Rant 028
Just finished a 15 minute strength workout and I noticed something. When I was attempting to do some leg lifts, I felt out of control. Like it was easy to breathe and keep form, but something about it didn’t feel right. Almost like I was too relaxed and lacked focus. When dealing with weights and… Read More Physical Health 024
Been dealing with stomach issues for a couple of days. This as been affecting my bathroom habits, and even the number on the scale. Like my weight has gone up a full pound in one week. Even though I know I been doing great in my active levels. So, the only thing that is likely… Read More Health 023
I definitely needed a rest day. Been having a rough cough, like the itchy throat dry cough one gets during allergy season. But you would think that me drinking tea, drinking water, and taking cough drops would help. Nope. So I really need to take a full on rest day, probably at least 2. And… Read More Health 022
Xexiar 