I think I’m just still struggling with how nobody is going to help me. I have been crying for so long for help, but everyone keeps turning away from me. Especially the people who were supposed to be there for me. Like every time I’m struggling, I become a kid again, crying out for mom… Read More Silently Crying
3 days of no meds really hit hard. Like it made my depression hard to get out of and everything effects me worse. I’m glad I finally on meds that help me function to where my depression doesn’t make me numb to everything. It’s terrifying when I would get so numb that the only way… Read More The Right Medication
It sucks being constantly reminded how you’re always in the wrong no matter how hard you try. You give it your all but it’s never enough. You’re constantly trying to be considerate of the other person. Constantly making sure you don’t mess up and become misunderstood. But the moment you slip for a brief second… Read More It hurts.
As I’m jointing down my to do list for the next day I made an interesting self discovery. The way I talk about myself and others is very different. So much that I never once thought about it until today. I don’t refer to my anatomy the same way I refer other people. I can… Read More Gender Dysphasia
As I’m struggling to bring myself to buy new clothes, I’m constantly cycling back to the same argument. That either, I have plenty of clothes and that I should hold off until I lose weight and have my place. While the other side of the argument is slowly based on the notion that I’m not… Read More Clothes Trauma
The more in-depth I heal in therapy the more I’m trying to figure out things. I’m still defending my mom for all she’s done. Because I’m still excusing her for the emotional neglect and abuse. But same time I’m still stating how she’s a product of her own trauma and marriage dynamic. Yet, those small… Read More Father?
Sometimes I wonder if I should have that long conversation with my parents about me being male. And when I think about it I get angry. I get frustrated and just want to avoid the whole topic all together. Other times I feel it be pointless. Like I can already hear them respond. When I… Read More I’m Strong?
So like I just realized something. My family have always been “you eat everything.” “You’re pretty much a vacuum for food.” But then get shocked when I don’t want to eat or don’t like certain foods. Then they would argue with me about it. both my sisters are always stating how I’m a bottomless pit… Read More Foods
I gave you what you wanted to see. I gave you the persona you thought I should be. I became the shadow you carry your whole life. So, what’s wrong? Do you not like what you see? Because the moment I become myself you don’t recognize me. Why are you so angry with the shadow… Read More Shadow
Having a theoretical conversation (in my head) with someone telling me to accept god into my heart. Which I replied with “telling me to accept god is like telling me to drink wine.” You know how people say a glass of wine a day is good for the heart. But what happens if you take… Read More Religion and Drinks
