I think I’m just still struggling with how nobody is going to help me. I have been crying for so long for help, but everyone keeps turning away from me. Especially the people who were supposed to be there for me. Like every time I’m struggling, I become a kid again, crying out for mom and dad or anyone to make the pain better, but they just tell me to shut up because my pain isn’t real.

No matter how hard I try to keep myself together, it hurts so much.

This can explain why I have trouble just accepting that I can’t do everything. Why I refused to make things easier for myself because I don’t feel I deserve it. I don’t deserve to be ok because all I know is pain. And how the very pain I feel is denied by everyone around me.

What hurts right now is trying not to physically scream out in pain. All I can do is silently cry so nobody sees that I’m in pain.
I’m just a burden to everyone, and the moment I even try to reach out, I’m tossed aside. I am constantly being reminded how meaningless I really am. No matter how hard I try, it doesn’t matter.

And it just hurts that even when I’m states away from them, I’m still surrounded with reminders that I’m a nobody. I’m so tired. But I have to keep walking. After all, as long as I can remember, I learned that nobody is going to pick me up when I fall. I just wish I could fall, knowing someone is going to be there.