Today is kinda a rest day while also a reset day. I’ve pushed through my anxiety and used the weight room at the gym for 2 days straight. I kind of overdid it in the sense using that room is still kinda awkward, but I at least tried. But this week I have been lacking… Read More Health ###
A quote of the week that I’m trying to live by. “Sometimes a huge leap of faith is necessary instead of a baby step.” This week’s quote is a reminder to myself that I been living my life taking small steps to change and improve. But during the rare moments I took a leap of… Read More Trauma Recovery: 007
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why? Yes I mean… both. It’s an automatic reaction. Making it difficult to control. I’m either hyper fixated on the past, i.e everything I been through. Or so fixated on the things I want in future that I don’t do anything in the… Read More
What is the greatest gift someone could give you? My plane ticket to travel from New York to Oregon. Besides that, small gifts my true friends given me out of pure kindness. Any gift from family came with conditions. So when getting something from my friends “just because” at first felt weird and uncomfortable, since… Read More Gift giving
Goal for 2025 is to stop being a perfectionist. From learning to not overthink the small details to giving myself the freedom to be the me when I used to be an alcoholic. The alcoholic me was free and just didn’t care. Was confident and just went for it. I want to be that without… Read More Trauma Recovery: 2025 Goals
I will not get over the fact that compared to my siblings I actually tried to follow the religion my family is apart of. From the morals to what a person is supposed to be. I said “tired”. Even when my family and have very different opinions on how to follow such principles, along with… Read More Trauma Recovery 005
It’s one of those things of I had a reached a decent point in many of my public profiles, but it was exhausting and I felt like a fake. And in my attempts to find myself again, I feel like I’m lacking something. Oh well, at least I’m trying and I’ll eventually get back to… Read More Trauma Recovery 004
Feeling good today. I started using weights again, but kept it light and on the floor. Best part is that I feel statified in the sense not really hungry or craving anything. Which is something I struggled during the time I couldn’t workout. It’s like, the urge to eat is practically gone. And I’m super… Read More Health 042
It’s been 28 days since my hysterectomy, and I have made great progress since my last update. I am taking my sweet time recovering. From finally being able to wash both my hands at the same time to sleeping on my stomach. During my 2-week post-surgery checkup I have been giving the clear to sleep… Read More Health 041. Surgery Update
A part of me wants to start something but the other part is calling it a waste of time. Like trying to wait for everything to line up but then when I get there will I still make excuses that it’s not perfect enough. One of those things of being a traumatized perfectionist. I can’t… Read More Trauma Recovery 003
Xexiar 