It’s one of those things of I had a reached a decent point in many of my public profiles, but it was exhausting and I felt like a fake. And in my attempts to find myself again, I feel like I’m lacking something.

Oh well, at least I’m trying and I’ll eventually get back to where the old me left off. At that, this time around it’s me and not someone trying to please everyone.

Not like anyone is wondering but my original accounts: Twitter (X) had 900 followers at one point (now it’s 848, and I haven’t been active). Then Instagram has 432 with 1045 post. My new accounts: Twitter 139, IG 85.

I’ll admit the drastic differences does make me sad, but I’ll get over it. Especially since it took me years to get those numbers. Especially since on Twitter it was mainly due to vibing with music and the DBZ fandom. The new account ended up being hindered by trying too hard.

My original IG account is similar and different. Different in the sense it took me a long time to reach that point. So I have hopes for January.

I’m not expecting to gain a huge following or anything like that. But it would be nice to have that fake confidence I had again. The kind of confidence that just showed my face more often instead of hiding.

That’s the goal for January. Building the confidence I faked, but this time around it’s real. I want to share who I am, so I can look back when I’m feeling down. Especially since I’m reaching the point where I’m exiting therapy and trying to climb more of the mountain. I have finally made it to the base after so many falls.

And this mountain feels more like home.