As I’m going through recovery I’m also getting better at accepting help. But what really makes me feel a sense of joy is that I noticed that for certain moments I’m reacting completely different than how the rest of my family would react. It brings me peace that there’s another part of me that is taking a different approach, even when I internally am feeling the same gut reaction as them.

For example, I want to scream and get angry at how nothing is going the way I “perceive” to be right. Instead I ask why they do things a certain way. I even try to share how I do things so we can find a middle ground.

And as I’m gaining more strength to do certain easy tasks, I’m getting less angry about the task I’m frustrated about not being able to control. I’m no longer getting irritated that I can’t do a task but instead being grateful the task is even being done.

As much as I’m nip picky about a lot of things, these are things that I can’t control. And if my family members were the ones in my shoes they would yell and scream left and right about how everything is wrong. They would even forcely take control.

I’m grateful for how different I am and how much I understand how it feels to be screamed at for the slightest thing. Because it’s making me handle having someone help me a lot better than I expected. Especially when I’m not able to do a deep cleaning of my own apartment by myself yet.