I went through my records and it finally made sense what they were stating. This whole time, on record, I was given the diagnosis of being autistic. The issue was they were using different words to state that. It also gives proof that I also have adhd.
Know what’s the worst thing I heard growing up suicidal. Constantly being told to think about other people and how they would feel. Not once did anyone validate my feelings and tried to speak to me about why I felt that way. Making it ever so clear that I wasn’t even important enough to be… Read More Suicide
Know what sucks about constantly dealing with suicidal ideations and urges, is that I’m constantly avoiding medication. From pain meds to psychaitris meds. Especially because that was always my way out. Too many times coming close to overdose. Even worse when going through the process to be prescribed heavy meds to go through with finally… Read More Pills
I’m getting tired of people being surprised I haven’t heard or seen certain movies or bands. Especially when it feels like I’m being shamed for not knowing. They don’t get that I was extremely sheltered and isolated my whole life. At that, I’m much younger. Even my own older siblings shamed me for not knowing… Read More July 28, 2022
So thinking about dogs again. I do have my emotional support cat. But brain is weird today since I’m still recovering from a heavy crash. 2 full days in bed, leading into a 3rd day. A conversation on huskies came up and so that lead to a little research. My long term goal is to… Read More Service Dog?
This is just strange. I can’t sleep nor think. And whatever thoughts I do have are about my book characters. Is this a way to help cope with the true emotions I have been trying to avoid? I finally am going to see a therapist, in Oregon. But as I spoke during my assessment it… Read More Thoughts
As of this moment I am safe. Yes, I was thinking suicide as I wrote this and was planning to, until I got to the end. It’s currently the only thing that’s making me debt killing myself. Trying to relieve some pain but deep down i really do with I could pull the plug to… Read More Poem: Suicide Note
Just feeling off and want to get some thoughts out of my head. There’s so many labels and things to identify as, but nothing feels right. It’s like I don’t even have an identity to begin with. I even feel some sort of pressure to choose which side I’m supposed to be on. This is… Read More Having a moment
I think being home for so long is finally getting to me, plus other things. I was always a home type person and rarely went out. It’s that I have a few other problems now. Let me explain. It’s very hard for me to pick up new things. This is due to anxiety and my… Read More Pride. Day 16. Dry
As this month been progressing, I have notice I have stopped on certain things. Also, I have been engaged in others. I have been ignoring my fanfics, updating Soulmates and Invaders, and just been kinda all over the place. I have tried to work on my Pride Month blog post and even pride related artwork.… Read More Pride. Day 6. Writing
Xexiar 