Sometimes I wonder if the rose on the other side ever feels lonely. With how much I scream and shout, it will never hear me. The way this glass box surrounds me, I can feel the oxygen escaping my lungs. But there is no door or window for me to leave. The rose is just… Read More A Rose
I think I’m just still struggling with how nobody is going to help me. I have been crying for so long for help, but everyone keeps turning away from me. Especially the people who were supposed to be there for me. Like every time I’m struggling, I become a kid again, crying out for mom… Read More Silently Crying
3 days of no meds really hit hard. Like it made my depression hard to get out of and everything effects me worse. I’m glad I finally on meds that help me function to where my depression doesn’t make me numb to everything. It’s terrifying when I would get so numb that the only way… Read More The Right Medication
It sucks being constantly reminded how you’re always in the wrong no matter how hard you try. You give it your all but it’s never enough. You’re constantly trying to be considerate of the other person. Constantly making sure you don’t mess up and become misunderstood. But the moment you slip for a brief second… Read More It hurts.
What sucks about psychology, especially when you study it to mask the pain, is that with all the help in the world it still comes down to how you go about your life. You can have the absolutely amazing support system but nothing will change if you don’t change. I’m struggling and I noticed I… Read More
As I’m jointing down my to do list for the next day I made an interesting self discovery. The way I talk about myself and others is very different. So much that I never once thought about it until today. I don’t refer to my anatomy the same way I refer other people. I can… Read More Gender Dysphasia
As I’m struggling to bring myself to buy new clothes, I’m constantly cycling back to the same argument. That either, I have plenty of clothes and that I should hold off until I lose weight and have my place. While the other side of the argument is slowly based on the notion that I’m not… Read More Clothes Trauma
The more in-depth I heal in therapy the more I’m trying to figure out things. I’m still defending my mom for all she’s done. Because I’m still excusing her for the emotional neglect and abuse. But same time I’m still stating how she’s a product of her own trauma and marriage dynamic. Yet, those small… Read More Father?
Sometimes I wonder if I should have that long conversation with my parents about me being male. And when I think about it I get angry. I get frustrated and just want to avoid the whole topic all together. Other times I feel it be pointless. Like I can already hear them respond. When I… Read More I’m Strong?
As I’m thinking about it doing HRT before the removal of certain body parts is a much safer way to go, for me at least. Instead of the shock my body would face when taking out the shining actors would be painful. To suddenly have an organ that produces ripped out without preparing the body… Read More Transitioning
Xexiar 