Don’t get me wrong, I have very hyped games on my switch but my switch is just for my chill games. Nintendo has always been my gamer version of a good book. The sit down and vibe. Sometimes it’s the stand up and play, along with family competition. But my main baby, aka my wife,… Read More Rant 006. Gaming
I think the biggest reasons that I don’t understand or know what emotion I’m feeling most of the time is not only because of the toxicity of my upbringing, but also because my default reaction to everything is anger. Then when I notice I’m angry I quickly try to change it to anything but that… Read More Rant 004
Sometimes I wonder if the rose on the other side ever feels lonely. With how much I scream and shout, it will never hear me. The way this glass box surrounds me, I can feel the oxygen escaping my lungs. But there is no door or window for me to leave. The rose is just… Read More A Rose
I think I’m just still struggling with how nobody is going to help me. I have been crying for so long for help, but everyone keeps turning away from me. Especially the people who were supposed to be there for me. Like every time I’m struggling, I become a kid again, crying out for mom… Read More Silently Crying
3 days of no meds really hit hard. Like it made my depression hard to get out of and everything effects me worse. I’m glad I finally on meds that help me function to where my depression doesn’t make me numb to everything. It’s terrifying when I would get so numb that the only way… Read More The Right Medication
As I’m jointing down my to do list for the next day I made an interesting self discovery. The way I talk about myself and others is very different. So much that I never once thought about it until today. I don’t refer to my anatomy the same way I refer other people. I can… Read More Gender Dysphasia
As I’m struggling to bring myself to buy new clothes, I’m constantly cycling back to the same argument. That either, I have plenty of clothes and that I should hold off until I lose weight and have my place. While the other side of the argument is slowly based on the notion that I’m not… Read More Clothes Trauma
Sometimes I wonder if I should have that long conversation with my parents about me being male. And when I think about it I get angry. I get frustrated and just want to avoid the whole topic all together. Other times I feel it be pointless. Like I can already hear them respond. When I… Read More I’m Strong?
As I’m thinking about it doing HRT before the removal of certain body parts is a much safer way to go, for me at least. Instead of the shock my body would face when taking out the shining actors would be painful. To suddenly have an organ that produces ripped out without preparing the body… Read More Transitioning
I gave you what you wanted to see. I gave you the persona you thought I should be. I became the shadow you carry your whole life. So, what’s wrong? Do you not like what you see? Because the moment I become myself you don’t recognize me. Why are you so angry with the shadow… Read More Shadow
Xexiar 