I want to work again. Especially in the graphic design field. But there’s so much I need to figure out first. Like what part in the field I want to do. I always been into doing corporate designs. From brochures to logos. Something about business focus designs is fun. There’s also magazine design. I do… Read More Next Step
You ever feel hurt and disappointed about something that’s out of your control. Like you understand that everyone has their own journey but you feel frustrated and rob of things that you always believed you wanted. Only slowly learned it’s not your fault. And eventually things will fall into place. Doesn’t make any less painful… Read More Passing thought
It’s so difficult to express how badly I want to feel wanted. How horribly selfish I feel for wishing to be cared for and lovely. The pain of everyone around me not wanting to deal with me. The pain of hearing them speak how my own mother giving me up. To be constantly reminded that… Read More Wanting
I am grateful to these people who welcomed me into their home. Especially everything I have been through and it was a huge change for all of us. But this isn’t my home. It’s almost like living with my abusive family, just that I feel safe. I’m no longer dealing with mental and physical abuse.… Read More Home
I feel so hopeless It’s not that I’m going back to my old ways And trying so hard to have the other like me But I’m not even sure if I’m ready To accept these growing feelings At that I’m not even sure What I would even call these feelings I never felt them before… Read More Heart
This is just strange. I can’t sleep nor think. And whatever thoughts I do have are about my book characters. Is this a way to help cope with the true emotions I have been trying to avoid? I finally am going to see a therapist, in Oregon. But as I spoke during my assessment it… Read More Thoughts
Whenever I think about money, I get so depressed. The subject just gets me so frustrated. And when I try to figure out ways to earn or fix my money problems I end up abandoning those projects. I get so angry and thoughts how they won’t work. And I even become so stressed to the… Read More Worth
After leaving my family back in September I finally got a journal again. Maybe now I can process my thoughts and emotions better. Since moving a lot has happened and it was difficult to adjust. Especially to my new environment and fighting my environmental programming. I’m still in great disbelief in what I accomplished in… Read More The Abandon Child
What is a boy to do? Especially as the world sees you as a girl Where the common notion is telling you it’s all a phase How you’re just being a tomboy How you don’t know what you’re talking about Being surrounded with people who don’t see you They just stare and demand you to… Read More Xexiar. P1
I must be a fool. As the night lingers, I wonder to myself. I have done all I could for those around me. I had conformed to what everyone wanted of me. Even trying to contain my thoughts to myself. And in the end, I’m all alone. I have tried endlessly to fill this void… Read More A Fool
Xexiar 