I’m almost at my goal for the month of losing 5 lbs. I’m not trying to do a drastic weight loss. My aim to do it to where it’s easy to maintain. Starting weight for this month was 242.4. Current weight as of today is 237.8 lbs. That’s a 4.6 lbs difference. I’m very excited… Read More Health 067
Some reason what’s keeping me motivated to stick to my weight loss and health journey is watching commentary on “my 600 pound life” and people discussing the delusion of those in “Fat Acceptance”. But, hey. If being reminded where I could have been is what’s keeping me on my path to not get there, then… Read More Health 065
Sometimes when I feel down on myself I look back on when I decided to become sober (alcohol). Which I’m reaching my 3rd year anniversary on May 9th. Because it puts into perspective how far I came. Such as in 2023 I reached my heaviest at 270 lbs. But with lots of hard work, as… Read More Health 062
Besides my perfectionism holding me back, I’m starting to think that my fear of injury is also making it difficult to make any progress in my health journey. Especially since I’m constantly convincing myself I’m not ready for something because I could get hurt if done wrong. It’s even more apparent since I’m doing this… Read More Health. Rant 042
A quote of the week that I’m trying to live by. “Sometimes a huge leap of faith is necessary instead of a baby step.” This week’s quote is a reminder to myself that I been living my life taking small steps to change and improve. But during the rare moments I took a leap of… Read More Trauma Recovery: 007
Goal for 2025 is to stop being a perfectionist. From learning to not overthink the small details to giving myself the freedom to be the me when I used to be an alcoholic. The alcoholic me was free and just didn’t care. Was confident and just went for it. I want to be that without… Read More Trauma Recovery: 2025 Goals
I will not get over the fact that compared to my siblings I actually tried to follow the religion my family is apart of. From the morals to what a person is supposed to be. I said “tired”. Even when my family and have very different opinions on how to follow such principles, along with… Read More Trauma Recovery 005
It’s one of those things of I had a reached a decent point in many of my public profiles, but it was exhausting and I felt like a fake. And in my attempts to find myself again, I feel like I’m lacking something. Oh well, at least I’m trying and I’ll eventually get back to… Read More Trauma Recovery 004
It’s been 28 days since my hysterectomy, and I have made great progress since my last update. I am taking my sweet time recovering. From finally being able to wash both my hands at the same time to sleeping on my stomach. During my 2-week post-surgery checkup I have been giving the clear to sleep… Read More Health 041. Surgery Update
A part of me wants to start something but the other part is calling it a waste of time. Like trying to wait for everything to line up but then when I get there will I still make excuses that it’s not perfect enough. One of those things of being a traumatized perfectionist. I can’t… Read More Trauma Recovery 003
Xexiar 