I feel so hopeless It’s not that I’m going back to my old ways And trying so hard to have the other like me But I’m not even sure if I’m ready To accept these growing feelings At that I’m not even sure What I would even call these feelings I never felt them before… Read More Heart
This is just strange. I can’t sleep nor think. And whatever thoughts I do have are about my book characters. Is this a way to help cope with the true emotions I have been trying to avoid? I finally am going to see a therapist, in Oregon. But as I spoke during my assessment it… Read More Thoughts
Whenever I think about money, I get so depressed. The subject just gets me so frustrated. And when I try to figure out ways to earn or fix my money problems I end up abandoning those projects. I get so angry and thoughts how they won’t work. And I even become so stressed to the… Read More Worth
After leaving my family back in September I finally got a journal again. Maybe now I can process my thoughts and emotions better. Since moving a lot has happened and it was difficult to adjust. Especially to my new environment and fighting my environmental programming. I’m still in great disbelief in what I accomplished in… Read More The Abandon Child
What is a boy to do? Especially as the world sees you as a girl Where the common notion is telling you it’s all a phase How you’re just being a tomboy How you don’t know what you’re talking about Being surrounded with people who don’t see you They just stare and demand you to… Read More Xexiar. P1
I must be a fool. As the night lingers, I wonder to myself. I have done all I could for those around me. I had conformed to what everyone wanted of me. Even trying to contain my thoughts to myself. And in the end, I’m all alone. I have tried endlessly to fill this void… Read More A Fool
As of this moment I am safe. Yes, I was thinking suicide as I wrote this and was planning to, until I got to the end. It’s currently the only thing that’s making me debt killing myself. Trying to relieve some pain but deep down i really do with I could pull the plug to… Read More Poem: Suicide Note
Just feeling off and want to get some thoughts out of my head. There’s so many labels and things to identify as, but nothing feels right. It’s like I don’t even have an identity to begin with. I even feel some sort of pressure to choose which side I’m supposed to be on. This is… Read More Having a moment
I have spoken about a gender pill in the past, and it was more along a story plot. But now I’m going to try to explain the science behind my idea. I would like to once again reminded everyone that these ideas I had about a new world was since I was at least 5… Read More The science behind the gender pill and more
Something that I been fighting with is the whole concept of reproduction or commonly knowns as sex. It’s not that I don’t enjoy sex to some degree, but it’s bizarre to me. It’s a concept that makes me question a lot about myself. Like why do I feel talking about it can be so awkward.… Read More Emotional
Xexiar 