Know what’s the worst thing I heard growing up suicidal. Constantly being told to think about other people and how they would feel. Not once did anyone validate my feelings and tried to speak to me about why I felt that way. Making it ever so clear that I wasn’t even important enough to be… Read More Suicide
Know what sucks about constantly dealing with suicidal ideations and urges, is that I’m constantly avoiding medication. From pain meds to psychaitris meds. Especially because that was always my way out. Too many times coming close to overdose. Even worse when going through the process to be prescribed heavy meds to go through with finally… Read More Pills
I’m getting tired of people being surprised I haven’t heard or seen certain movies or bands. Especially when it feels like I’m being shamed for not knowing. They don’t get that I was extremely sheltered and isolated my whole life. At that, I’m much younger. Even my own older siblings shamed me for not knowing… Read More July 28, 2022
So thinking about dogs again. I do have my emotional support cat. But brain is weird today since I’m still recovering from a heavy crash. 2 full days in bed, leading into a 3rd day. A conversation on huskies came up and so that lead to a little research. My long term goal is to… Read More Service Dog?
With recently speaking to my nephew again and one of my older sisters, I’m feeling very strange. Plus, the news that one of my aunts died and getting in contact with my cousin over it. Along with speaking with one of my nieces. All these things back to back has me on edge. Not to… Read More Feeling
Just had a thought. Maybe I don’t like hiking and the outdoors the way I thought I did. There can be a much deeper reason behind such desires. Like my longing, since childhood, of wanting to escape. The deep urge of running away from my family. That could be the reason I looked to nature… Read More Just maybe…
I want to work again. Especially in the graphic design field. But there’s so much I need to figure out first. Like what part in the field I want to do. I always been into doing corporate designs. From brochures to logos. Something about business focus designs is fun. There’s also magazine design. I do… Read More Next Step
You ever feel hurt and disappointed about something that’s out of your control. Like you understand that everyone has their own journey but you feel frustrated and rob of things that you always believed you wanted. Only slowly learned it’s not your fault. And eventually things will fall into place. Doesn’t make any less painful… Read More Passing thought
It’s so difficult to express how badly I want to feel wanted. How horribly selfish I feel for wishing to be cared for and lovely. The pain of everyone around me not wanting to deal with me. The pain of hearing them speak how my own mother giving me up. To be constantly reminded that… Read More Wanting
I am grateful to these people who welcomed me into their home. Especially everything I have been through and it was a huge change for all of us. But this isn’t my home. It’s almost like living with my abusive family, just that I feel safe. I’m no longer dealing with mental and physical abuse.… Read More Home
Xexiar 