3 days of no meds really hit hard. Like it made my depression hard to get out of and everything effects me worse. I’m glad I finally on meds that help me function to where my depression doesn’t make me numb to everything. It’s terrifying when I would get so numb that the only way… Read More The Right Medication
As I’m jointing down my to do list for the next day I made an interesting self discovery. The way I talk about myself and others is very different. So much that I never once thought about it until today. I don’t refer to my anatomy the same way I refer other people. I can… Read More Gender Dysphasia
As I’m struggling to bring myself to buy new clothes, I’m constantly cycling back to the same argument. That either, I have plenty of clothes and that I should hold off until I lose weight and have my place. While the other side of the argument is slowly based on the notion that I’m not… Read More Clothes Trauma
Sometimes I wonder if I should have that long conversation with my parents about me being male. And when I think about it I get angry. I get frustrated and just want to avoid the whole topic all together. Other times I feel it be pointless. Like I can already hear them respond. When I… Read More I’m Strong?
I gave you what you wanted to see. I gave you the persona you thought I should be. I became the shadow you carry your whole life. So, what’s wrong? Do you not like what you see? Because the moment I become myself you don’t recognize me. Why are you so angry with the shadow… Read More Shadow
As I’m cleaning my room a few thoughts keep crossing my mind. I’m practicing having a full argument over how I won’t get my work noticed because I don’t advertise enough. Or how I don’t ask for help when I need it. Let alone how I treat everyone around me. The more I thought on… Read More 9.23.2022
It feels like I lost a friend. But I think it’s just that I no longer have someone to talk to when I’m feeling such strong emotions. At best I should bring this up with my therapist. Yet it’s something I have trouble with and I’m slowly falling back into that pattern of just giving… Read More September 13, 2022
More reasons to get a full hysterectomy. Sure, I never wanted my reproductive organs. But it’s nice to know that it’s scientifically proven that these organs are damaging my health. Where no form of diet can improve my condition. Making it a must that I do receive surgery. It’s nice to have health issues that… Read More PCOS
I put in so much work into avoiding something and I usually do a good job at it until someone points it out. After that I fall back into the cycle of that bad habit and then I get blame for doing it again. I been doing so good until you said something. And then… Read More I Just Want to Scream
Sometimes I wake and don’t recognize where I am Sometimes I wake and all I feel is scared I’m just roaming around Wondering will I ever wake up Roaming and questioning When will I wake up and be the nightmare all over again I’m still wearing that smile Like it’s real I’m still falling for… Read More Sometimes
Xexiar 