What sucks about psychology, especially when you study it to mask the pain, is that with all the help in the world it still comes down to how you go about your life. You can have the absolutely amazing support system but nothing will change if you don’t change. I’m struggling and I noticed I… Read More
Tag: trauma
Gender Dysphasia
As I’m jointing down my to do list for the next day I made an interesting self discovery. The way I talk about myself and others is very different. So much that I never once thought about it until today. I don’t refer to my anatomy the same way I refer other people. I can… Read More Gender Dysphasia
Clothes Trauma
As I’m struggling to bring myself to buy new clothes, I’m constantly cycling back to the same argument. That either, I have plenty of clothes and that I should hold off until I lose weight and have my place. While the other side of the argument is slowly based on the notion that I’m not… Read More Clothes Trauma
Father?
The more in-depth I heal in therapy the more I’m trying to figure out things. I’m still defending my mom for all she’s done. Because I’m still excusing her for the emotional neglect and abuse. But same time I’m still stating how she’s a product of her own trauma and marriage dynamic. Yet, those small… Read More Father?
I’m Strong?
Sometimes I wonder if I should have that long conversation with my parents about me being male. And when I think about it I get angry. I get frustrated and just want to avoid the whole topic all together. Other times I feel it be pointless. Like I can already hear them respond. When I… Read More I’m Strong?
Foods
So like I just realized something. My family have always been “you eat everything.” “You’re pretty much a vacuum for food.” But then get shocked when I don’t want to eat or don’t like certain foods. Then they would argue with me about it. both my sisters are always stating how I’m a bottomless pit… Read More Foods
Shadow
I gave you what you wanted to see. I gave you the persona you thought I should be. I became the shadow you carry your whole life. So, what’s wrong? Do you not like what you see? Because the moment I become myself you don’t recognize me. Why are you so angry with the shadow… Read More Shadow
Religion and Drinks
Having a theoretical conversation (in my head) with someone telling me to accept god into my heart. Which I replied with “telling me to accept god is like telling me to drink wine.” You know how people say a glass of wine a day is good for the heart. But what happens if you take… Read More Religion and Drinks
C-PTSD Ingrained Habit
Just noticed something.Due to my anxiety, mainly because it’s now ingrained in me that at few seconds a family member is gonna call for my attention.So now I can’t relax without constantly checking if everything is ok. Like, something finally click.Cause right now it’s just me and my cat in my room. But like every… Read More C-PTSD Ingrained Habit
9.23.2022
As I’m cleaning my room a few thoughts keep crossing my mind. I’m practicing having a full argument over how I won’t get my work noticed because I don’t advertise enough. Or how I don’t ask for help when I need it. Let alone how I treat everyone around me. The more I thought on… Read More 9.23.2022
Xexiar 