Sometimes I wake and don’t recognize where I am Sometimes I wake and all I feel is scared I’m just roaming around Wondering will I ever wake up Roaming and questioning When will I wake up and be the nightmare all over again I’m still wearing that smile Like it’s real I’m still falling for… Read More Sometimes
Know what sucks about constantly dealing with suicidal ideations and urges, is that I’m constantly avoiding medication. From pain meds to psychaitris meds. Especially because that was always my way out. Too many times coming close to overdose. Even worse when going through the process to be prescribed heavy meds to go through with finally… Read More Pills
The sky is bright and lovelyBut not warmIf only for a momentI wish to embrace the colorsOf one’s soul
Just had a thought. Maybe I don’t like hiking and the outdoors the way I thought I did. There can be a much deeper reason behind such desires. Like my longing, since childhood, of wanting to escape. The deep urge of running away from my family. That could be the reason I looked to nature… Read More Just maybe…
You ever feel hurt and disappointed about something that’s out of your control. Like you understand that everyone has their own journey but you feel frustrated and rob of things that you always believed you wanted. Only slowly learned it’s not your fault. And eventually things will fall into place. Doesn’t make any less painful… Read More Passing thought
It’s so difficult to express how badly I want to feel wanted. How horribly selfish I feel for wishing to be cared for and lovely. The pain of everyone around me not wanting to deal with me. The pain of hearing them speak how my own mother giving me up. To be constantly reminded that… Read More Wanting
I am grateful to these people who welcomed me into their home. Especially everything I have been through and it was a huge change for all of us. But this isn’t my home. It’s almost like living with my abusive family, just that I feel safe. I’m no longer dealing with mental and physical abuse.… Read More Home
I feel so hopeless It’s not that I’m going back to my old ways And trying so hard to have the other like me But I’m not even sure if I’m ready To accept these growing feelings At that I’m not even sure What I would even call these feelings I never felt them before… Read More Heart
Whenever I think about money, I get so depressed. The subject just gets me so frustrated. And when I try to figure out ways to earn or fix my money problems I end up abandoning those projects. I get so angry and thoughts how they won’t work. And I even become so stressed to the… Read More Worth
After leaving my family back in September I finally got a journal again. Maybe now I can process my thoughts and emotions better. Since moving a lot has happened and it was difficult to adjust. Especially to my new environment and fighting my environmental programming. I’m still in great disbelief in what I accomplished in… Read More The Abandon Child
Xexiar 