I left New York City due to multitude of reasons. Almost 20 years of no true vacation, dysfunctional family life, going straight through school and into the workforce without a break. My final mental break was during my call center job in 2019. Then Covid happened and I was stuck with my family with no escape. My body and mind were at its breaking point. I was either going to die because my body was going to shut down or I was going to take myself out. Hence why I needed an out.

I did not leave New York City because of the city. I left due to family. Without the city I don’t think I would have lasted as long as I did. I needed a much overdue rest. So thanks to some friends, I moved to Grants Pass, Oregon. The first 2 years was one hell of a ride. Because it was the first time no outside force told me what I had to do.

During the first few months the person I thought was my friend turned on me. I had to not only learn about a new town on my own, but the information this ex-friend gave me did not match up to what I was finding. I’m grateful the ex-friend’s mom gave me a place to stay as I gather my footing. I also found it funny I learned more about Grants Pass than my ex-friend. At least what is available and the infrastructure.

In Grants Pass it took me 2 tries to find a clinic that fits my needs. Especially because the first place lacked communication that nothing was getting done. As in they didn’t tell me what was wrong, even though I asked many times what the problem was so I could resolve it. It was the second clinic that told me that the address for my New York City records was wrong.

Once I located the correct address everything became easier. This clinic became my homebase for doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, and pharmacy. Keeping in mind I have been to therapy since I was 5 and gotten the script down that I got a psychiatrist to give me medication so I could end myself in 2018. But this time I really tried to be vulnerable. In doing so I admitted openly I was trans. In addition, I acknowledged my challenges with alcohol and made the decision to pursue sobriety.

Even with all the great progress, from becoming sober to starting HRT to finally allowing myself to feel and get medication that works, there are still some issues. During my 4 years in Grants Pass my primary care doctor changed 3, THREE, times and not because I chose to. The doctor moved to different locations.

Again, I am grateful Grants Pass gave me the space to breathe, heal, and get treatment that would have gone unnoticed if I kept to my endless loop with my family. But it’s time to go back to the city. Once I rest during my top surgery, I’m going to work hard to find work in New York City so I can transfer over.