It’s such a great feeling to finally express that I was never female and that I’m male. Especially expressing that me saying I’m non-binary for so long was just me trying hard to accept I was born female. Almost like how I made every justification to call myself bisexual when that’s not true. I had… Read More
Tag: childhood
Records don’t lie
I went through my records and it finally made sense what they were stating. This whole time, on record, I was given the diagnosis of being autistic. The issue was they were using different words to state that. It also gives proof that I also have adhd.
Suicide
Know what’s the worst thing I heard growing up suicidal. Constantly being told to think about other people and how they would feel. Not once did anyone validate my feelings and tried to speak to me about why I felt that way. Making it ever so clear that I wasn’t even important enough to be… Read More Suicide
Pills
Know what sucks about constantly dealing with suicidal ideations and urges, is that I’m constantly avoiding medication. From pain meds to psychaitris meds. Especially because that was always my way out. Too many times coming close to overdose. Even worse when going through the process to be prescribed heavy meds to go through with finally… Read More Pills
July 28, 2022
I’m getting tired of people being surprised I haven’t heard or seen certain movies or bands. Especially when it feels like I’m being shamed for not knowing. They don’t get that I was extremely sheltered and isolated my whole life. At that, I’m much younger. Even my own older siblings shamed me for not knowing… Read More July 28, 2022
Feeling
With recently speaking to my nephew again and one of my older sisters, I’m feeling very strange. Plus, the news that one of my aunts died and getting in contact with my cousin over it. Along with speaking with one of my nieces. All these things back to back has me on edge. Not to… Read More Feeling
Just maybe…
Just had a thought. Maybe I don’t like hiking and the outdoors the way I thought I did. There can be a much deeper reason behind such desires. Like my longing, since childhood, of wanting to escape. The deep urge of running away from my family. That could be the reason I looked to nature… Read More Just maybe…
Wanting
It’s so difficult to express how badly I want to feel wanted. How horribly selfish I feel for wishing to be cared for and lovely. The pain of everyone around me not wanting to deal with me. The pain of hearing them speak how my own mother giving me up. To be constantly reminded that… Read More Wanting
Xexiar. P1
What is a boy to do? Especially as the world sees you as a girl Where the common notion is telling you it’s all a phase How you’re just being a tomboy How you don’t know what you’re talking about Being surrounded with people who don’t see you They just stare and demand you to… Read More Xexiar. P1
Xexiar 