As I’m jointing down my to do list for the next day I made an interesting self discovery. The way I talk about myself and others is very different. So much that I never once thought about it until today. I don’t refer to my anatomy the same way I refer other people. I can… Read More Gender Dysphasia
As I’m struggling to bring myself to buy new clothes, I’m constantly cycling back to the same argument. That either, I have plenty of clothes and that I should hold off until I lose weight and have my place. While the other side of the argument is slowly based on the notion that I’m not… Read More Clothes Trauma
Just noticed something.Due to my anxiety, mainly because it’s now ingrained in me that at few seconds a family member is gonna call for my attention.So now I can’t relax without constantly checking if everything is ok. Like, something finally click.Cause right now it’s just me and my cat in my room. But like every… Read More C-PTSD Ingrained Habit
Sometimes I wake and don’t recognize where I am Sometimes I wake and all I feel is scared I’m just roaming around Wondering will I ever wake up Roaming and questioning When will I wake up and be the nightmare all over again I’m still wearing that smile Like it’s real I’m still falling for… Read More Sometimes
I went through my records and it finally made sense what they were stating. This whole time, on record, I was given the diagnosis of being autistic. The issue was they were using different words to state that. It also gives proof that I also have adhd.
Know what sucks about constantly dealing with suicidal ideations and urges, is that I’m constantly avoiding medication. From pain meds to psychaitris meds. Especially because that was always my way out. Too many times coming close to overdose. Even worse when going through the process to be prescribed heavy meds to go through with finally… Read More Pills
I must be a fool. As the night lingers, I wonder to myself. I have done all I could for those around me. I had conformed to what everyone wanted of me. Even trying to contain my thoughts to myself. And in the end, I’m all alone. I have tried endlessly to fill this void… Read More A Fool
Just feeling off and want to get some thoughts out of my head. There’s so many labels and things to identify as, but nothing feels right. It’s like I don’t even have an identity to begin with. I even feel some sort of pressure to choose which side I’m supposed to be on. This is… Read More Having a moment
I’m trapped I look in a mirror and don’t recognize who’s looking back I look down and become reminded of a part of me That I just want to rip away I feel something crawling under the flesh to this body Is this really me Even if I change will I still look into that… Read More Pride. Day 20. Poetry. Pain
I think being home for so long is finally getting to me, plus other things. I was always a home type person and rarely went out. It’s that I have a few other problems now. Let me explain. It’s very hard for me to pick up new things. This is due to anxiety and my… Read More Pride. Day 16. Dry
Xexiar 