Based on how things went with a living situation, I now question a few things about myself. For example at what level of function do I truly have and what am I denying myself of. For it has been brought up to my attention multiplied times that I do have some issues with caring for myself. At that, I don’t seem to be truly aware of my own limits and for so long didn’t thin much of it.

Based on how my room looks at this very moment, I can easily say I have trouble keeping a clean environment. But based on how he questions are asked on the Social Security forms I never know what to say. At that, it doesn’t help that I constantly draw a blank when put on the spot. Many times I need to have reminders or outside sources helping me to complete task ad ask questions.

I do constantly complain that my roommates do make my self care very difficult. Along with currently living situation. But at what point is it them or me that has the majority of the issues. I have always struggled to keep a clean room to which I needed help in maintaining. There’s also cooking that takes up a process, that if not done I do not eat. In fact I need reminders to eat.

I think this is where a lot of my written issues comes along. I would have moments of clarity and be able to pinpoint where my problems are. But the moment I have to answer in a specific format is when things become blanked. Especially when the questions asked of me makes no sense and I do not have assistance in understanding.

I look forward to my appointment in December. And maybe I should bring some notes with me, so I could potentially discuss them. That might help my case a little more since paperwork is one of my weaknesses. Along with having a well formatted list, I could, hopefully, explain my dilemma with under pressure requirements.

The fact that I am writing in such a format, using certain words and trying to be clear, is more due to the fact I am in a manic type state. Along with years of learning to write due to it being something I have always and still struggle with. The only difference is that this is a skill that I had to teach myself, because nobody would help me. Same goes for many other skills that is required to be considered a scholastic master for the working force.

In many forms, outside of on paper, I would come across as a very intelligent individual. But on paper and in school I have always struggled to keep my grades high enough to pass. This even includes the many specialist classes and eventually a specialized school. With my history of both emotional disturbance and below average intellect one would assume I would not go far. Yet due to my upbringing I was forced to take measurements into my own hands to be able to not be seen as a burden.

So in the end I suffer greatly due to imposing that I do not struggle with daily tasks. But in reality, there is so much I can do before I have reached my limits. Case in point, when I try to maintain a blog but end up taking many weeks to months in-between post. Since a high volume of my post are done during my own manic episodes and I have a moment of clarity. Which isn’t fair to anyone, including myself.