So as I’m sitting around today a little thought popped up. I wonder if I would do any justice if I were to write all my antithetical beliefs and thoughts about topics I feel strongly about, even though many of the topics are things I’ve observed and struggled to justify if I even can speak about. As a child who would wrote a few articles about the importance of parental responsibility and relationships with their children and the way it could affect their growth. Even though at the time I didn’t fully understand why I would write such a thing besides being angry that my parental units were doing me a disservice. Especially when the concept that I was struggling with could be seen as childish due to my age.

But over the years I have attempted to write articles that didn’t revolved around my personal emotions and experiences. Such as animal cruelty due to captivity. This stems from both my love of the movie Free Willy and then in recent events of SeaWorld. I have always been a strong environmentalist, but due to living situations my views and values were very undermined, forcing me to silently suffer from not being free to change.

And last week, when speaking with my case manager, I told her about my unpublished emotional rant that I wrote the day prior. She then proceeded to comment about the parallel I used to describe my personal experience with an experience that people tend to overlook greatly. She then went about asking if I was a veteran due to that being my sample.

I simply stated that I wasn’t, but I have family in different branches. Along with making friends with people who served, on/off duty, and those who no longer able to serve due to the physical and psychological trauma they had suffered while on duty. And during that conversation, my case manager informed me how she recently learned how people are trying to bring to light that resources veterans need to be able transition back into society. We had a short discussion about my views on the greed that is war.

This is the snippet from that rant:

“ Take someone who just finished serving in a war, who has severe ptsd, and without giving them a chance to process the horrors they face, you throw them in the middle of a loud carnival. A place that relatively is fun and exciting. But to that veteran any loud popping noise sets him back. See the games with guns will see off a list of flashbacks. They didn’t have a chance to breathe before their senses are being overwhelmed by every little detail. What should be fun popping sounds, is something completely different to them. They’ve seen their friends, strangers, and colleagues either die or become seriously injured that they might as well be dead. So being thrown from one extreme to another they can’t tell the difference.

Now if you gave them the proper care and treatment to help them transition from dealing and processing one extreme, then they can slowly get into trying to go to a carnival. If you don’t treat the symptoms that veteran is doom to fail. I’m not saying that vet can’t enjoy a carnival. What I’m implying is that if they aren’t allowed to process then any subtle reminder will set them off. ”

I have my doubts and fears that I won’t do any justice by writing articles that I feel strongly about. Mostly because I still struggle with what I have been said to me since childhood. Such as: how can I speak about parenting if I’m not a parent? How could I speak about the horrors that is war, when I myself I have never enlisted? How could I speak about environmental issues if I grew up in a “privilege middle class home”? It’s those damn voices keeping me from moving anywhere.

I’m not an environmental scientist but I’m fascinated by nature and all the nuances that come from coexisting in an ever changing ecosystem. I’m not a psychologist but I’m strongly believe in the science that comes from understanding one’s mind because it can help better improve our lives. I’m not a veteran, because by definition it’s means I didn’t go to war for a country. But war has many faces, both physical and psychological.

There’s so many nuances in our everyday lives that it all connects. But because people are so divided it’s difficult to imagine such a thing. People are so divided by things such as politics, religion, economics, race, sexual orientation and identification, and the list can go on to the point of a genetic level such as Neurological disorders and blood types.

I have attempted before on this blog to voice out childhood dreams and speaking on my multitude of values. But it’s so far in between that it’s difficult to tell what I believe or write. Even more when I write so rarely and mostly emotional rants. With the occasional attempts at trying something or another. I make no promises that I would write more often, but I do wish to write more of my stance.